Response to Anonymous #3

Oscar Recap

As the ultimate Award Show Junkie, I was super-pumped for the Oscars on Sunday. I set up a date with RJ and was ready to cry when someone mentioned their spouse, laugh at a nip slip and make catty comments about the dresses.

6:00 - Barbawa Walters Special.

No Idea why I decided to watch this special considering the fact that every time I watch Barbara, I vomit a little bit in my mouth. However, came out of the hour even more confused as to why Scary Spice decided to have Eddie Murphy's love-child.

http://www.tmz.com/2006/10/17/scary-spice-pregnant-with-eddie-murphys-baby/

Especially, since a little thing like having someone pregnant with your child does not stop him from finding the love of his life with Tracy Edmonds, former wife of Babyface. I have no idea why I got so irrationally angry at Eddie for treating Scary Spice badly. Maybe I'm just sad that "girl power" seems to be no match for a man whose claim to fame is dressing up as a 300 pound woman. And if you think his performance in Norbit is hilarious, you should have seen my 300 pound uncle doing the Macrena at my cousin's wedding.

7:00 - watching some generic personality interview stars. No one is exceptionally brilliant or witty. Though I do love Helen Mirren and have developed a slight friend crush on her. Also... people are way too tan.... Penelope Cruz put the cheap tanning lotion down. You are turning orange.

PS - Ryan Gosling don't forget your roots on Breaker High.

7:30 - Awards Show Begins. Ellen comes out wearing a velveteen suit. Damn it again... someone else flaunting velveteen in my face. I am so far ahead of the trends.. I've been wearing velveteen since 2004. And headbands... well I'm not going to brag or anything... but I did own a matching plaid headband and jacket ensemble when I was in Grade 5... and damn it combined with my hot pink over-sized glasses and the snap bracelets, I was the shit.

7:45 Award handed out.. blah... blah.. blah.. don't know who you are.

8:00 Alan Arkin... great choice by the Academy. Little Miss Sunshine, arguably one of my favourite movies from 2006.

8:25... My eyelids are so heavy... maybe if I just close them for a minute, RJ won't notice.. I just need to rest them.

8:30- RJ nudges me. I insist that I was awake and just mentally preparing myself for the interpretative dancers. (who I have to admit were actually pretty cool.)

8:35 - Gosh that glare from the TV is so harsh.. maybe if I just turn my head a little and close my eyes....

8:45 - God, Why doesn't RJ move off the couch so I can stretch out? My legs are so cramped. He is so selfish. Can't he see how this half of the couch clearly doesn't fit my needs.

9:35 - I shoot RJ the "F.. off, I'm sleeping stare."

11:35... RJ bravely shakes me awake. I stumble around for a bit and eventually make it home. I promptly go on the internet and review all the winners and the bits I missed on-line.

http://www.oscar.com/

12:45... Unable to put the internet down, I bumble across the best public service announcement ever.

http://slacklalane.blogspot.com/2007/02/dont-even-try-it.html


1:00... End another crazy night of awards show bliss. Consider skipping work tomorrow to watch the Oprah special.

Someone Take Your Mama Out Tonight.

So no one has ever called me Mama... and they should probably never do so or else they will have to endure the blistering E's "over the glasses" stare.... the sentiment remains.

I don't feel like dancing... but I do feel like being taken out.. to go see this movie.

Ok.. enough referencing of the Scissor Sisters. The point is I've been waiting months to go see "Hot Fuzz". The fact alone that Simon Pegg and Nick Frost from "Shaun of the Dead" are in it has had me drooling over the internet trailers...

http://www.workingtitlefilms.com/trailers/hotfuzz_trailer2_xlarge.php

Now I found out it has already been released in the UK... and no sign of it here on the middle coast....

I feel like this is going to turn into another "Borat" misadventure. November Long Weekend, I was at my sister's with no sign of Borat making its way to my city. Out of desperation, and with no knowledge of the actual content of the movie, except the interviewing of ignorant Americans, I agreed to go see this movie with my brother-in-law and my father. Imagine if you will, sitting next to your father in a crowded theater munching away on popcorn, when out of nowhere, homoerotic images of two naked men wrestling in a 69 position flash on the screen. Now imagine listening to your father giggle with delight as you two watch the extended 5 minute scene. Now imagine being emotionally scared for life. I have nothing against porn or homoerotic porn or giggling... but adding my father into the mix.. and having him repeatedly reference the line, "sleeve like wizard" on the car ride is home was pretty much like "the miracle of life's" personal early Christmas gift to me.

PS - Hot Fuzz is a reference to the British slang term for the police. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuzz

And you all should go see this movie. Parents optional.

You've been Chris Angelled.

http://www.browetv.com/2-Cool-Illusionators.ht

PS. Happy Belated Valentines Day

ml

I am a Cultural Warrior

So I was watching Daily Show episodes on the Internet when I came across this gem:

http://www.crooksandliars.com/2007/02/15/the-daily-show-scarborough-helps-jason-jones-date-conservatives/

And I thought do those sites truly exist? So of course I had to Google it.. and this may be my favourite dating site of all-time. You can't get a better slogan than "Sweethearts, not bleeding hearts."

http://www.conservativematch.com/

It is like God is creating these Internet sites just for me.

Grammy's: A Running Internets Commentary (Editing to be done later.)

Pre-Show:
Ryan Seacrest. Please stop making short jokes and spiking your hair. I get it. You are self-deprecating. Self-deprecating does not always equal funny. Just ask Ben Mulroney.

7:02: I didn't remember "Roxanne" being so long and without any perceptible lyrics... maybe I'm just remembering the P. Diddy version.

7:10 Why did that one Dixie Chick steal my cousin's prom dress from 1991? It didn't look good then.. and it certainly doesn't look good now.

7:18 Oh Prince.... back in your Purple Rain days, you could have been an exception to my "No Short Guys" Rule. I would have let you purify me in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

7:19 Beyonce, shut it.

7:20: Is one of the Black Eyed Peas wearing an Ear Cast? Is it possible to break your ear?

7:25 Mary J. Blige has never won a Grammy? What the shit?

7:33 JT, you are hot. Your neck hair is not.

7:37 God, I hate the back humping jam.

7:38 Wha? Blair witch project.. where did you come from? Wha?

7:40 Mary J. Two for two.

7:48 Corrine Bailey Ray.. you do have a lovely voice. One I could definitely fall asleep to.
7:51 John Legend. I love you and your velveteen jackets. You know how to emote. (and to look classy in velveteen. Something I have not mastered yet.)
7:54 Oh John Mayer... you had me at "Your body is a wonderland"

7:58: Grammy for John Mayer. See above.

8:05 Shakira and Wyclef Jean. Hips don't lie. Makes me want to take Belly Dancing Lessons. again.

8:06 Phone rang.

8:20 I have no idea what just happened.... or why the guy from Gnarls Barkley is wearing a pilot's outfit. But I do respect his love of the costume.

8:25.. Luda... read this article... http://entertainment.sympatico.msn.ca/Oscars/OscarStory.aspx?cp-documentid=2834230

8:35 I love that Mary J. just referred to herself in the third person. E likes.

8:41. I forgive you Dixie Chick for wearing a bad dress. You just made a Simpsons reference. That makes everything ok.

8:48... "You made one of the two classic blunders... the first is never go in in a land war against Asia"... Classic line. I want to attend a sci-fi geek wedding where the groom answers, "as you wish" to everything. That would be awesome. What? Did YTV get pjs back? I miss PJ Jenn. (Sorry I got bored and started switching channels)

8:57 Carrie Underwood.. you bore me.

9:01 And apparently now you won a Grammy. This may or may not signal me turning off the TV and watching the rest highlighted on the internet.. or tomorrow on Extra.

9:09.. Ok I am glad I stuck around. It doesn't get any better than Smokey Robinson wearing a Lace Shirt and singing "Tracks of my Tears", one of my favourite songs of all-time.
9:11 Is Lionel going to sing "Hello"? Yes, yes he is. I never realized how slightly creepy and stalkerish this song is, he has never introduced himself to this girl, but... "I hear you pass in the hall", and "Let me start by saying, I love you." Uh... I love you too, now excuse me while I call 911. No offense.
9:15... Chris Brown.. are you even singing?

9:20... And due to hunger and boredness... I am going to end this transmission.
For more informative stuff see:
http://www.grammy.com/

or

http://theenvelope.latimes.com/awards/grammys/

E gots to go.

Best video. Ever.

Expect more than one post this week from me.. or don't. But right now, I am feeling unusually productive due to "February break". Many of my friends have vacated the city and gone to exotic places: Jamaica, Jasper, Prince Albert. The roommate has gone house sitting to the house of big screen tv's, a crazy cat and a small porntastic video collection. At any rate instead of doing something really productive like cleaning or grocery shopping or leaving the house, I choose to spend my time on the Internet.

Anyways to kick off what may or may not be this blog extravaganza... I would like to post a link to the best wedding video ever. I won't say anymore to spoil it for you... but to quote a Regina girl, "if this guy ever becomes single, he should give me a call."

OK.. so as I was youtubing to try and find it.. I found this video.. Thought it was pretty cool too. (Maybe cause I am a fan of a lame movie called "Center Stage" which first introduced me to this song.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nie9lKPifg

Ok.. this one is pretty awesome too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYhlm9GTAQ0&NR

OK.. this is the link I really meant to post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPmYbP0F4Zw

Ok.. so now that I have just spent 45 minutes on youtube watching random people's wedding videos and discovering that a surprising number of people believe they can or should drunkenly imitate MJ and post it, I will post this and maybe write an actual blog.. or have lunch... or get myself mentally prepared for "The Police" on the Grammy's tonight. It truly is a day full of possibilities.

PS - To the rando who posted "E make me hot." Well I wish I could say the same to you... but unfortunately bad grammar and/or spelling doesn't really do it for me. Figure out how to write a better sentence, then we will talk. (or post a video of yourself doing the MJ dance.. that would do it for me too.)